Using Listening as a Tool to Resolve Conflict

The power of listening is one of the most  underutilized tools we have in resolving conflict.  People cannot  trans­form their conflict  until  they feel heard.  When  you find yourself  in conflict with  your  family, your  co-workers, or a stranger in the grocery store, take a step  back, take a deep  breath, and  try using these  tools to listen.

• Center Yourself:
  When you feel calm and  patient, you will have  the ability to disarm the other  person’s anger  rather than  feeding it.  Do not attempt to re­solve a conflict when you are still in your  raging anger; we cannot listen  to one another when we are that angry.
• Focus On The Feelings:
  Acknowledge the feelings  that you are witnessing. “You must be feeling frustrated, is that right?”  or  “It seems like you’re feeling confused, is that what you’re feeling?”  Remember, anger  is a secondary emotion, meaning there  is another emotion hiding behind anger (fear, frustration, sadness, etc.).  Helping people recognize that  primary emotion gets to the core of the conflict.
• Empathize:
  Share  a time when  you have  felt a similar way or been in the same  situation.  This is key to letting other people know you have truly heard them.
• Problem-solve Together:
  “How can I help  make  this better for you?  What can I do in the future to ensure this doesn’t happen again?”  This gives people the oppor­tunity to assert their  needs.
• Assert  Your  Needs:
  Conflict  is only transformed when all people feel that  their  needs were  met.  If you still need something to resolve  the conflict for yourself, ask for it!  “I understand now how my bringing too many items into the express lane frustrated you, but what I need  in the future is to be spoken to respectfully.”

**If you are having trouble resolving a conflict on your own,

The Peace Center’s Mediation Services may be able to help.

Call us at 215-750-7220.**