Men and women have learned a great deal about themselves and others at SAFE and have transformed their relationships with others.
“I participated in your program and would like to say it helped me get my life back and on track… I also tell everyone I meet about your program and how helpful it was to me personally. I think every woman’s shelter should inform clients about your program and give them the option to participate if they want to better understand why and how to not return to an abusive relationship. The best thing I ever did was to take responsibility for myself and my actions. I feel I have my power back. Thank you.”
“[I learned] to take a time out and also find the fear before the anger. I have also learned that I don’t have to control everything. People can do things too. I also learned that I cannot change events but I can change my responses to them. On a personal note I would recommend [that] everyone takes this class. What I have learned and applied has been amazing. My relationship with my husband could not be better. Thank you.”
“How to love myself for who I am. Not judging myself through others’ eyes. More in touch with my emotional [that] I ignored in the past.”
“By … finding the fear before the anger just like ATFR [Squared]. I never looked at it that way before. Since the program it’s been working well. Thank you for everything, John Anthony.”
“I am a lot calmer and a better person to be around. When issues arise my friends, family expect[ed] me to snap, and now that I don’t they all like being around me more. [The most important thing I learned] is where my anger came from and my wounds I never dealt with. I’ve learned that I deserve more out of life than I gave myself credit for. To say how I feel instead of allowing things to build up. The RUACAT tools are wonderful. How to talk myself through an issue and decide how to handle it.”
“To respect myself and others. How to deal with day to day conflicts. I also learned about feelings I never knew.”
“My relationships have grown closer in part to my ability to accept them how they are and knowing my own limits. I have learned to define my limits and maintain my boundaries out of love for myself and with respect for others.”
“[I ] try to understand my feelings better, not to be violent. To handle situations more calmly. RUACAT myself and others and to leave violence which [the violence] I did most of my life.”
“…you have done more for our marriage in four months than either one of us could in twenty-two years. Your program at the Peace Center has made us better as individuals and as a couple, not to mention the beneficial effects to our three children.”
“… I learned how to get in touch with what I’m thinking and feeling,… learned how to control my temper.”
“John Anthony gets to the root of the problem, always with patience and compassion. He helps us to change and find love, peace, and our own power.”
“ …Your program has been a miracle to me. It provided me with a safe and supportive environment to unload and sort through my life’s path. It provided me with the nurturing I needed to heal. It gave me the strength to choose a different and enlightened path… I am a different person with a different life, and on a happier, peaceful path.”
“Vera,I don’t think you will ever know how much the things you taught me have changed my life. Thank you for showing me the way. I use my “RUACAT” every day and it feels great to have my power back. Life is good!!! Wishing you all the best!”
“Dear John, I am [client’s name]’s Mom and I want to thank you for the classes.
I know they were court mandated but they did a world of good and gave [him] a new insight into life and into many issues.
I often felt frustrated with him and for him as he tried to get his emotions together with his thoughts. His father is a very angry man and you helped him cope with him. (Sorry we cannot send him.)
But continue the good work. Sorry we cannot make the women in their lives go to you.”
John,I wish to thank you for everything you have taught me. I never realized how unclontrolled my life was. I have learned that respecting yourself is so important and should be first in my life, so the opposite is what I was doing.
I have learned to really own your life – the good and the mistakes. You are an amazing man and I recommended your program to many. I have self-respect and pride back in my life. Many people I deal with workwise also thank you.I look forward to a stress-free, trouble-free and productive lifeand you are a big part of it. Thank you so much.”
Dear John Anthony, First, and foremost, I want to thank you for the time you afforded me during the twenty-six weekly meetings that I attended […]. As each week progressed, your therapy methods continued to be instrumental in changing my outlook on everyday occurrences, and life in general. I walked away after completing the therapy as a better and stronger person than I was from when I first walked into the program. That was also recognized by my family. I began to appreciate your program, as I tied it into my everyday responsibilities, and into the lives of my family, friends and co-workers.
Your methods were effective with most of the fellow men that were in attendance with me during our Group Therapy. You challenged us with truthful situations and made us conscious of our behaviors and how it not only affects us, but everyone around us. As men would complete the program, I watched them walk away with some dignity and a sense that something was accomplished. Several of the men found it so helpful that they continued the Therapy after the mandatory Court appointed requirements were completed. […] The overwhelming majority of the men, who finished your program, while I attended, should change their lives for the better.
In my opinion the therapy, running concurrent with the probation, also kept me in check. It gave me the sense that it wasn’t just a matter of skating through the probation period. Instead it was gaining an acceptance and understanding of what went wrong to get me in trouble, and how to prevent that from ever happening again in my life. The [S.A.F.E.] Program and the Tools associated with it, that you provided, were effective in changing my life, and I hope that others will continue to receive those same benefits from you and The Peace Center, in the future.
John Anthony, I give you credit for what you do to help people with the challenges that each of us is faced with, daily. I wish you best in life. Thank you, again! God Bless.”
“My relationship with my wife is […] stronger than it has ever been. I have learned to respect her and understand her more than I ever have and she sees that in me and respects me also for that and has noticed a good change in me. My mother and father have also noticed that I am more relaxed, easy to talk to and a lot easier to get along with ever since I started this program. My family is very happy for me for completing this program and knows I have changed my ways.
[The most important thing I learned from the SAFE program is…] Wow! Where do I start? I think the most import thing/concept that I learned is how to deal and realize [be aware of] my negative fantasies. I see now that it’s just made up thoughts in my mind and are not real… Whenever I start having negative fantasies I realize that they are not real and are probably brought on by bad experiences and that I should not relate my old bad past experiences with my current relationship. I catch myself now…
The second most important thing I learned is R.U.A.C.A.T. I learned that if a relationship is going to work on both ends we must RESPECT ourselves individually as well as RESPECT each other. No matter what the situation may be if one of us doesn’t feel like doing something we should not expect each other to do it. This is Grievance… We should RESPECT each other instead. I have learned that UNDERSTANDING is essential. We must both understand and listen to each other as well as listen our own selves. BY that I mean I should not only listen to my wife but I should listen to my inner thoughts and be aware of my own behavior. ACCEPTANCE is also very important because I learned to forgive myself and accept myself for who I am right now. My wife has also forgiven me and accepts me for who I am. CARING is also very important. Not only do I care for my wife more than ever, I now care about myself more than I did before starting this program. I take better care of myself by exercising, keeping myself occupied, maintain my health and making sure my family and I eat healthier. Although I have several illnesses such as […] I will never give up and will always take care of myself as well as my family. I also learned how important appreciation is. I appreciate myself more than I ever have. I take pride in the way I take care of myself now and I appreciate who I am and how great of a person I have become. I also appreciate my wife because she is everything to me. I appreciate even the little things she does for us and for our family. I can see how much she appreciates me for what I contribute to our family and now after completing this program and becoming a better person. And lastly without TRUST you have nothing. I have learned to trust an d believe in myself and my family that I can make anything happen and to never give up. I also trust my wife more because part of my problem with trust were my negative fantasies. Now I know how to control those fantasies.
When I do all these things I am bringing love to my spouse and my family as well as giving love to myself.”
M. Lock (2008), SAFE Graduate:
“I will always run into days where I just wanna give up,
I’m feeling overwhelmed, life is just too tough.
Then I sit and think of each challenge one at a time,
My life is what I make of it, it’s no one else’s life it’s mine.
In the past I would numb out, use drugs or simply give up.
I’m not that person anymore, there is no challenge too tough.
A day in jail, 270 days probation
12 years with the same miserable mate
Till now I could never figure out the combination.
The guidance, the tools, the key to my happiness,
My safe is now open. I was the key to fix my life known as the big mess!
No more throwing punches, no more anger or lashing out,
I make the best out of my life, so come to find out!
Don’t get me wrong I still have a ways to go.
But as long as I keep my light on, I have the power. This I do know!
Done at the blaming and the pointing fingers at other,
Responsibility for my actions, that tool alone in my mind always hovers.
Focusing on me has pretty much always been my problem,
I never did, it was about everyone else
it’s no wonder I could not resolve them.
Don’t try to get love from anywhere else
Until you learn to love yourself,
you’re worth it – now say it without the ‘I Guess’!
Do you give yourself the R.U.A.C.A.T. that you deserve?
If you don’t you better learn the meanings of those six words
Respect, Understanding, Acceptance, Caring, Appreciation and Trust.
Learn it, live it, use it, this is a must
I use it every day and I now have my life back, I’m free.
If my safe is to close again at any time,
This time I know who holds the key:
That one and only person is me.”
John Anthony Bochnowicz, M.A., Director
Vera T. Tzenova-Bochnowicz, M.A., Co-Director & Facilitator
Office: 340 E. Maple Avenue, Suite 201
Langhorne, Pennsylvania 19047
Additional information: www.SupportiveAlliance.com
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